10 SLP Approved Strategies for Separation Anxiety in Preschool
Separation anxiety is a normal and expected stage of development. In fact, my oldest daughter really challenged us when she had separation anxiety at age 3. And while it may be "normal," that definitely doesn't make it any less hard. I want to share some tried and true tips I used with my own daughter and other ones I've learned along the way as a speech language pathologist. Because for toddlers and preschoolers with language delays, the transition into daycare or preschool can feel especially overwhelming. When a child struggles to express their needs, tell us why they are upset or struggle to understand what’s happening, drop-offs can become tearful and stressful for everyone involved.
At Word Play Speech Therapy, we work with families to make these transitions smoother by building emotional understanding, communication strategies, connection and trust. Below are 10 practical tools to support toddlers and preschoolers who have difficulty at school drop-off.
10 Strategies to Support Separation Anxiety
1. Use Social Stories
Create a simple, personalized story that shows your child what to expect during drop-off and the daily routine. Use real photos of their teacher, classroom, cubby, and goodbye spot. Write simple sentences about each picture including positive affirmations that can become your child's voice. Read the story each morning before school to prepare them for what’s coming next.
"I eat my breakfast at home. Mommy/daddy takes me to school in the car. I take a deep breath when we get to school. Mommy or daddy takes my sister to her class first. My sister loves me. I will see my sister later on the playground. I walk to my classroom. I take a deep breath. I am safe at school. I say I love you and bye bye to my mom/dad at the door. We do a big hug. My family loves me. My teacher takes me into my class. I have fun with my friends. I am brave. Mom/dad picks me up when school is done."
You can also practice school drop off during pretend play. Use dolls, action figures, whatever your child is interested in, to act out the usual routine.
2. Incorporate Visual Schedules & Emotion Visuals
Toddlers with language delays benefit from visual supports. Try a “First-Then” board (e.g., "First we say bye, then play blocks"). Visual schedules show the plan for the day, allowing your child to anticipate what will happen that day. An emotion poster can help your child express how they’re feeling when words are hard to find.
3. Arrive Early
If possible, aim to be one of the first families to arrive at school. A quiet classroom means fewer distractions, less stimulation and more time for the teacher to help with the transition into the classroom. Many children with separation anxiety do not like other children or adults watching them. Arriving first allows for your child to ease in at their own pace and can build trust with caregivers.
4. Offer a Comfort Object
A small stuffed animal can provide reassurance and routine. Familiar comforts act as a bridge between home and school and can help children feel safe. Many schools have a requirement that stuffed animals stay in a bag or cubby, and as a professional, I get it. It can be hard to keep track of 15 stuffed animals getting lost around a room. But we have to meet our children where they are at, and allowing a child who is experiencing separation anxiety to initially have their comfort object instead of taking it away can increase trust. I frequently recommend teachers gradually decrease the time the child has the object next to them. Once they child is happily playing and set their stuffed animal down the teacher puts it in their cubby. If the child becomes upset again, they are allowed to go to their cubby, give it a hug and put it back. If a child continues to be in distress, increasing the space between the child and the comfort item over time may be less traumatic. "Blue bunny is going to watch you play from the shelf." Gradually increasing time or distance from the stuffed animal makes saying goodbye to the comfort object less anxiety inducing.
A small photo album or laminated family picture on the wall can also be comforting to a child. Teachers can let children flip through the pictures in the book, blow a kiss to a picture on the wall or say hi to mom/dad when they get upset.
5. Sing a Familiar Song
Music can be grounding and soothing to many children. Children who are gestalt language processors learn through music and they would especially benefit from a song that reminds them they are safe, their parents are coming back or they are loved. Daniel Tiger has a song about grown ups coming back that I used with my own daughter. She often continued singing it to herself as she went into the classroom. We sang it on the way to school, when we got to school and sometimes the night before when she was anxious about drop off the next day.
6. Teach a Simple Goodbye Phrase or Gesture
Using the same words and gestures each time helps your child understand what is happening and what will happen next. Say hi to the teacher, give a hug, say "you've got this, I love you, bye bye" and leave.
7. Don’t Linger Too Long
I know it’s hard—but a quick and confident goodbye helps your toddler feel secure. Lingering often increases anxiety, making your child unsure about whether you will stay or go. The longer the goodbye, the harder the separation becomes.
8. Drop Off at the Classroom Door
Saying goodbye outside the classroom (rather than walking in and out again) creates a clean break and gives the teacher a chance to help your child transition. When you go into the classroom, many children might misunderstand that you are staying there with them. When you drop off at the classroom door, you pass the baton to the child's teacher. Trust that they will make your child feel safe and cared for.
9. Read Books About Big Emotions
Books can help children understand and label their feelings. Look for stories with characters experiencing fear, sadness, or nervousness about being away from home. This builds emotional vocabulary and encourages conversation. I've compiled a list of books that are helpful for children with anxiety and books for big emotions. Llama Llama Misses Mama was incredibly helpful for my daughter when she went through separation anxiety. In fact, sometimes when I picked her up she said "Llama Mama you came back!"
It's important to validate your child's big feelings. Model what your child would say if they could say something in the moment like "I'm sad. I'll miss you. I love you." Teachers can reassure your child when they're upset by saying "Mommy loves you. Mommy will be back. You're safe."
10. Consecutive Days Are Better Than Broken-Up Days
If possible, send your child to school on consecutive days rather than skipping days in between. The routine becomes predictable more quickly, and your child spends less time “starting over” emotionally with each return. I've personally experienced this with my own children. We had a much harder time with drop off when my children went to school only on Tuesdays and Thursdays vs. when they went Monday-Friday.
Also, while it’s easy to assume that the first day of school or a new classroom will be the hardest, it’s often the second or third day when big feelings really show up. This is completely normal. Separation anxiety in toddlers and preschoolers is a common and expected part of development.
It’s important to remember that how your child acts at drop-off doesn’t necessarily reflect how their entire day will go. I can’t tell you how many times my daughter’s teacher reassured me, “She was totally fine 10 minutes after you left.” And yet, that didn’t make it feel any easier in the moment.
I know how hard it can be—not just at drop-off, but also during the morning routine and even the night before. Separation anxiety can affect the whole family. I truly hope these suggestions offer some relief and support for both your child and for you. This season is challenging—but wow, our little ones sure do make it worth it.
- Ms. Ali